The Public Gets Sold Off—at the #FATCA Auction


The President and the Heads of Treasury and the IRS have rounded up the usual lackeys: politicians, unions, astroturf groups, and the captive media in order to sell the FATCA bill to the public by an auctioneer and his crew.  It’s about year 2008 or 2009. Some of the bidders and their bid numbers are listed here:

013 A Washington Newspaper,

015 A Treasury Researcher,

024 IJN: IRS Justice Network,

027 The Young Turds,

038 NSMBC,

039 Senator Chuckie,

042 Union of One Hand Washing the Other,

051 Researchers R U.S.,

056 A New York Newspaper,

071 PTIIJ: Peeping Tom Institute for Intrusive Journalists,

124 Senator Levitating,

151 Senator Barbara Briefs

Auctioneer: “Folks, we’ve gathered you here to sell this here 2010 HR 2847 #FATCA legislaton bill to the public. Now, this is going to be something of great perceived political value to all of you and your constituency. This is going to be tough bidding. We expect the numbers to go high, so dig deep in your pockets and give us the best number you can”

Auct: “I expect you to give me the number that you are going to tell your public about FATCA’s benefit to US coffers. Now this isn’t the number that it’s really worth in the budget. The number that you’re gonna bid is the number that you’re gonna tell to your public about FATCA’s worth

Auct: “Remember: Value has no relation to real cost. What number are you going to tell your public? That’s what you’re bidding today. What is this FATCA bill gonna get you?”

Auct: “This FATCA bill is gonna get you re-elected. It’s gonna raise your opinion polls. You’re gonna get all the hits you’ve ever wanted. It’s gonna get you those big research grants you’ve been waiting for. It’s gonna make your little group of bookworms into global heroes. It’s gonna make that other party look like panderers. You’re gonna be the union boss. Your papers are gonna be so full of ads your paperboys are gonna need their mommies to drive ‘em around the neighborhood in a station wagon. It’s gonna sell ginzu knives even while you’re running FATCA infotext.”

Auct: “All’s you gotta do is shovel it out to the public and you’re gonna get back value.

Auctioneer: “We will only START the bid at the FATCA bill’s book value–the only number published by the Agency” “Do you understand?” Bidders “mmm, umm, ahhh”.

Auctioneer: “I said we are going to start the bidding at THE BILLS’ BOOK VALUE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Bidders: “YES!”

Assistant: “OK, THE FATCA BILL BIDDING STARTS AT ITS 115 MILLION DOLLAR BOOK VALUE. Can you get an opening bid? “

Auctioneer: “We need a bid at the bill’s book value. We’ve got somethin’ that you just gotta have. Hundred fifteen, hundred fifteen, hundred fifteen million dollars. Do we got a bid at the bills’ book value? Hundred fifteen, hundred fifteen million dollars—FATCA’s book value. 115, 115, 115. No more, no less, Hundred Fifteen Million Dollars for the opening bid.”

“Here”                              Assistant: “115 million dollars from bidder 015—what he’s gonna tell his FATCA bosses”

Auct: “Now we got it goin’, now we got it goin’, we got 115, now we need 150. Hundred fifty million dollars. We got hundred fifteen, we got 115, we need 150 million dollars.

“Yup”                              Assistant:  “bidder zero five six”

“500”                              Assistant: “bidder 013 bids 500 million dollars”

Auct: “We got $500 mil, can I get a billion?”

“Hey”                              Assistant:“bidder 36, $1 billion”

“5 billion dollars”            Assistant: “that’s bidder 42”

Auct:“We got 5 billion, now this FATCA thing’s sellin’ itself to the public, We need 8 billion,we got 5 billion, do I hear 8?”

“8 point 5 billion”             Assistant: “bidder 051 The Researcher bids 8 point five billion dollars for the research value of FATCA”

Auct:“We got 8.5 billion, we need 10 billion, we need 10, we need 10 billion dollars”

“HUP”                           Assistant: “bidder 39”

Auct:“10 billion, 10 billion, can I get 20. Can I get 20?”

“50”                               Assistant: “50 billion dollars from bidder 38”

Auct: “I got 50, , I got 50 billion dollars, do we got 100? We need 100, we need 100, we need 100 billion dollars for your FATCA message to your public” We need 100, who’s got 100?”

“YEAH”                         Assistant: “that’s bidder 151”

Auct: “I got a hundred, I got a hundred, I got a hundred billion dollars. I need 500 billion, 500 billion, 5 hundred billion dollars””Come on folks, think about what this FATCA bill is going to do for you and your constituency”” Let’s hear 500 billion dollars””500, 500, let’s hear 500”

“YAAA”                          Assistant: “bidder 024 bids 5 hundred billion dollars”

Auct: “We got 500, we got 500, we got 500, can I get 700?. We got 5, we need 7, come on 7, you can bid 700 billion dollars ”

“HEEAAAHH”                Assistant:  “hold up your number there, sir, you’re registered aren’t you?”

“oops, here’s my sign”   Assistant: ”thanks. Bidder zero seven one , $700 billion”

Auct: “We got 700, we got 700, we got 700 billion dollars. Who’s got 8, who’s got 8, who’s got 800 billion dollars?

“I’ll say FATCA IS WORTH 1 TRILLION DOLLARS over 10 years”    Assistant: ”that’s bidder number 124”

Auct:“We’ve got 1 trillion, we’ve got a trillion, we’re gonna say FATCA’s worth a trillion dollars. We got a number, FATCA’s got a new number, and it’s gonna be a trillion dollars. Is one trillion dollars how we are going to sell FATCA to the public? “One trillion dollars. Going once, Anybody? Just a little more for our constituents?” One trillion dollars” Is FATCA gonna be sold to the public at 1 trillion dollars? Going twice. Any more? Going twice. Going Twice. …….Gone

Auct: “FATCA is SOLD to the public for $1 TRILLION DOLLARS by the winning bidder from Michigan”


Auctioneer: “There’s a sucker born every minute, Junior—-not bad, eh? It’s going out to the public at 10,000 times its real value” Assistant: “Quiet, Pops, those guys in there are our customers–we don’t answer to the public”

Auctioneer: “Those guys wrote the pitch on this FATCA bill thing, but what is it, really? Assistant: “ It’s one of those 1984ish ‘For the Greater Good’ things about somebody else paying taxes for you. Not sure what poor schmucks get slammed with it”

Auctioneer: “What’s it supposed to do?” Assistant: “Well, it’s supposed to be sold as a way for them to make money for their Treasury, but actually, all told, it’s a huge Loser

Auctioneer: “Oh, if we weren’t getting’ a % of the take, I might actually feel sorry for the public. Know what I mean, Junior?” Assistant: “Get over it Pops, I got kid’s to raise, and you’re getting’ close to retirement age, old man”

Auctioneer: “Your kids ain’t gonna be hungry, now, unless they spend too much time swimmin’ in the built in pool your gonna buy with today’s cut” Assistant: “I’d been tellin’ ‘em they’d be waitin’ for hell to freeze over before they got such a thing. Wonder how I save face when they find out that hell froze over”

Auctioneer: ”I need a rest, Junior. What other little goodies do you we have to sell to the public today?” Assistant: “Well, we got a few doozies in the wagon, but nothin’ like the whopper bill you just sold”

Auctioneer: Man, that all that whoopin’ up wore me out. Hey junior, you got any loaded beverages in that cooler of yours? Assistant: “Sorry boss, you told me to spread all the coolers out in the crowd, and they’ve been drinkin’ it up all afternoon. Should we feel guilty?”

Auctioneer: “Oh, I’ll sleep ok with myself, but you ought’ve saved some of that feel good potion for us” Assistant: ”Sorry, Pops. We’ll have to remember to buy more feel-good juice the next time around…But…..Sure did work good with this FATCA bill, though, didn’t it?

FATCA’s real estimated value— the revenue that it is said to take in— is now budgeted at 115 million dollars (as shown on page 7). And all the media and all the politicians and all their astroturfs have just bid up its touted value to billions and hundreds of billions and trillions–and the world gets to buy in on their nonsense.

fatca revenue


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