The 2nd Royal #FATCAt to be born in Stockholm this Summer!

How  media attacks tens of thousands of innocents, including kids.

The 1st FATCAt, Swedish Princess Leonore, was born in 2012. She should yearly report herself to US police agency FINCEN-The Financial Crimes Enforcement Network, due to her assumed extensive joint assets stored in the tax haven Sweden.

 This is a hot topic. The King of Sweden never talks to the press about family matters. That’s why we here at the Rag (where we don’t print anything that doesn’t already offend ourselves”) are so happy to have been granted exclusive interview rights with the King of Sweden–to get down to the bottom of this.

Q: “We hear that your son-in-law is a FATCAt American, is that true?”

A: “I won’t comment about anything said about anybody that my daughter married”

Q: “Let’s talk about your grand children, then–is it true that they are FATCAts too?”

A: “I understand that you ask pointed questions. We have between 50,000 and 100,000 people living in our country whom USA calls “US persons for tax purposes”. In Swedish, we call all of our residents “the little people”, although that is sort of said lovingly tongue-in-cheek. My first grandaughter is automatically a US citizen, and there is nothing to be done about that until she is 18 and can make her own decision”  ” My next grandchild is due this summer.”…. “We understand that the Swedish media, the German media, and pretty much every media in the Milky Way now assumes that US citizens and US persons are all FATCAt tax cheats” “That’s what the media does–it joins up with civil governments to paint the picture that the politicians want, so they can get elected. Back when the monarchy ran things, that wasn’t needed”

Q: “Doesn’t that bother you?”

A: “Of course it does……every single one of those persons is a resident of my country. They all pay Swedish taxes. We even expect them to pay a tax on their tv. They should all be assumed to have done what they should have done, unless of course they actually didn’t. All of those things are in our constitution. We call it ‘Grundlagen’, or groud rules or basic law”

Q: “But what about all of those Americans in USA that are sending their money to Sweden–in order to avoid taxation?”

A: “I can understand how you think. You seem to be qualified to be a politician. And a member of the media–there really isn’t much difference, these days”

Q: “I don’t understand.”

A: “Neither does anybody in the US government or my own government in Sweden. They seem to think that there are criminals that would send their money to the highest taxed country in the world. And they think that a real criminal is going to fill out a form at his bank, admitting himself to be a US tax criminal by checking off one of the boxes saying

___   I am a US person

___   I am not a US person

Q: “Huh?”

A: “Yeah, my government is now bringing up a bill in our parliament–it’s a few thousand pages long–to ask 2 questions: Where were you born and what other passports do you have? Its simplicity is ludicrous and its unconstituionality is obvious, but that doesn’t seem to matter” “Does the civil government really believe that a real criminal tax evader is going to honestly admit his crime on a form? ”

Q: “Is that what FATCA is all about? It costs $25 per capita to implement in each country”

A: “Sweden is more expensive than a lot others. It will cost even more here. The smaller banks are trying to weasel out of it, but this IGA thing has already forced ALL of Swedish banks to comply to US law. I am not allowed to say whether that is good or bad. It’s been more than a hundred years since they’ve let my family give opinions about politics”

Q: “I see. Is your next granddchild going to be a FATCAt?”

A: “Again, I understand that you ask pointed questions–that you are a reporter who needn’t respect foreign titles”

Q: “Well, uh, actually, I am reporter for right now. But I am also banker, postman, fireman, and royalty of my own Kingdom. But, I have to try to be a tough guy during the time that I am a reporter for The Rag.”

A: “I understand–sort of. Remember, when you and all of your media colleagues and all of your politicians at OECD and EU and everywhere are talking about FATCAts, you are talking about 50,000 to 100,000 of my little people. And you are talking about my grandaughter and soon-to-be grandchild. I find it pretty offensive.”

Q: “Has Chris filed his FBARs for his daughter?”

A: “Get this—according to US law, the child is supposed to file its own FBARs.

Q: “Oh my God.

A: “Please—just call me “King”

Q: “Has the child yet filed its FBARs and properly reported itself to the Financial Crimes Enforcement Network”

A: “I honestly don’t know. Chris says that such things are private. It’s up to him to say if they banked all of the baptism gifts in Sweden or in USA.  I also agree that they are private to the world, but because I’m the King and I need to know about the family’s reputation and I need to know for myself”

Q: “Who does know?”

A: “Well, the Swedish Secret Service is in cahoots with the USA NSA. They run their own show, and they tell the civil government what to do. No doubt that they know all of Chris’ personal finances. But they spend a load of my Kingdom’s money to do it”

Q: “Wow”

A: “Sweden has better technical spies than US has”. “And Sweden has as many servers and lines as USA has. That’s why they’ve been working together for so many years. I don’t tell this in any official capacity, here, it’s just what is written openly in lots of newspapers”

Q: “So, the Swedish intelligence has all the dirt on your granddaughter. Who else?”

A: “Perhaps our secret service has it. You know, they are as competent s any government agency. But—Well, the IRS data leaks like a sieve. Chris’ data has been accessed numerous times from the IRS databases”

Q: “wow. how could that be? Is that true”

A: “I didn’t believe it myself. Not that I don’t like Chris, I, uh, well Madeleine married him. But I was at the computer with one of my grandaughter’s 15 year old cousins, and he got into the IRS data after just 13 minutes.”

Q: “So, you know that you will soon have 2 US-person grandchildren–what will you do about it?”

A: “I asked the Swedish bar association to look into it. But they told me it was US law. They don’t have any time to look into it. They are trying to read a few thousand pages of FATCA law to implement in Sweden. There’s enough constitutional violations in that stuff to keep them working 24-7. Violations of the Swedish constitution, that is.”

Q: “So what did you do?”

A: “Same as all the little people will have to do–I’ve hired an army of US tax accountants and lawyers to look into it. It costs a fortune. I thought that Chris could deduct the costs from his US taxes, but no. I’ll just have to sluff it all of on the Swedish Royal expense budget and dump it onto the little people”

Q: “What are they looking at?”

A: “Well, they will first look to see if the trusts that I set up for the little ones are protected””I think that I am considered to be a government official, but I seriously doubt that USA respects the official status of my grandchildren as princes and princesses. We’ll see. 500 bucks an hour is the going rate for researching those questions, and we have no idea where the answers lie”

Q: ” And?

A: ” Our beautiful granddaughter might truly be FATCA reportable, because she isn’t a “government official” according to US law. If so, her bank has to report her. The Swedish bank officials in Sweden are now liable to US law and have to report everything, otherwise being prosecuted by USA—whatever that could mean” “Swedish laws are no longer relevant, it seems that US laws are what now governs the lives of Swedes”

Q: “Your bankers are subject to US prosecution under FATCA?”

A: “Probably. The Swedish government must pay a bunch of lawyers fees to find out””But the royalty is not involved in that”

Q: “Your next grandchild will be born in Sweden. You must be proud. A “real” Swedish princess (or prince)”

A: ” Well, we wish it could be so. Her father (let me remind you again–I warned my daughter about these things) is an American. His next child (although born in Sweden) is automatically American, too. Only the child can get rid of it when the child becomes 18. The media automatically calls her a FATCAt”

Q: “ouch”

A: “We had a talk. She persuaded me. I just wish she had researched it as much as her girfriends had. One of them talked to an anonymous advice site. And ended up dumping that American because of his government. …

Oh well, we are just happy to have a grandaughter and another on the way”

Q: “The government is passing a law that finds all US persons living in Sweden–like your grandchildren–What do you think of that?”

A: “150 years ago–my family was making the laws. We made laws for the benefit of Sweden, not because we were threatened by other governments”

Q: “How do you mean?”

A: “Well, Swedish banks were threatened with 30% sanctions if they didn’t succumb to USA’s FATCA laws. Instead of standing up to those sanctions and protecting Sweden, the civil government decided to adapt the US laws”

Q: “What do you think about that?”

A: “I only tell you what has happened. I can’t say my opinion about how the government should do this or do that”

Q: “I see. Your grandchildren?”

A: “They are US persons. There is nothing we can do about it, except the same as what all the little people are doing. We are paying an army of US lawyers and accountants to protect them, just like the little people need to do. Except that we have loads of money and the little people don’t”

Q: “And the civil government?”

A: “They don’t care—they are passing the law because they can’t stand up against the threat of 30% sanctions. And they have persuaded themselves that USA will give something back to them, even though they know they won’t”

Q:: “Nothing?”

A: “My great grandfather had a Swedish word which, loosely translated, is something similar to “bullshit”, But that word became archaic as the monarchy lost its mandate—that word eventually morphed into a meaning similar to ‘´parliamentary review’.”

Q: “Can you explain?”

A: ” ‘Reciprocity: The Government of the United States acknowledges the need to achieve equivalent levels of reciprocal automatic information exchange with Sweden. The Government of the United States is committed to further improve transparency and enhance the exchange relationship with Sweden by pursuing the adoption of regulations and advocating and supporting relevant legislation to achieve such equivalent levels of reciprocal automatic information exchange…’ That’s what they signed. . Can you believe it?”

“This means ‘Sweden is giving all of the private information of my granddaughters to USA, and in return we get a load of USA doublespeak”

Q: “Sweden gets nothing

A: “Sweden gets nothing. Sweden pays everything. That’s what happens when the Royal family isn’t in charge. I would ignore it all if it weren’t an attack on the “little people” and my grandchildren.”

Q: “Did the civil government think about what the grandchildren should have been doing, and the penalties behind it?

A: “No. They say that the consequences belong to those US persons. I’ve got the lawyers assigned to look into all the stuff about if Princesses could be exempted from filing FBARs. It doesn’t look promising. And it’s criminal law (section 31).  On top of that, MORE lawyers have to look into TAX law and the 8938 form and a bunch of other reporting forms and if a princess could be excluded from those. It isn’t looking good. And the threats of penalties for mistakes are enormous. Just think what is going to happen to all those little people. They’ll be ruined.

Q: “This has been informative, but I have over-run my copy inches with this interview. My boss at The Rag is going to be furious”

A:” Oh? Who is that?”

Q: “Well, uh, that’s me. It’s also me who has to implement all this same bullshit at Banc de L’asteroide B612.”



(psst this is satire-as attested by my unlegal advisors)

Twitter byline:

How  media attacks 100K innocents, including kids. Satire is reality

The author’s bio:

petit prince

The lead writer f l’asteroide B612 Rag

Our writer is also the expert upon banking, postal issues, business, and rule of a Kingdom


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