“We used to sell US citizenship, now we sell non-US-citizenship” says black marketeer

Black market report: US passports not selling, Certificates of Loss of Nationality a new Business Opportunity!

Rumblings had been coming out of the black market in the previous couple of years, that false US passports were no longer selling.   Previously, this had been a high-margin, low volume business.  However, business had been drying up.

It turns out, however, that the black market has found a new high-volume lower-margin business opportunity: The sale of Certificates of Loss of (US) Nationality (CLN).  This document is a proof that a person has GIVEN UP his US citizenship, rather than the opposite.  Although it is more difficult to get a good profit margin out of middle class clients for such a document, the volume of need for the document has increased dramatically!

Black marketeers had seen the enormous rise in legitimate CLN’s.  With the market dried up for false US passports, they had set upon a new business idea.

Here at Banc Centrale de l’astéroid B612, we wondered about this new business trend.  So we sent our reporters deep into the underworld for a look at this trend.  Hence, we contracted with an investigation and reporter agency, who had arranged for a series of interviews via friends of friends of friends.  The methodology was left up to the agency, so that the information received could be traced neither forward or backwards to the source or user.  In this way, we had aimed to get to the truth of the matter, unencumbered by the chains of political correctness.

Our first objective was achieved with the interview of a true documents entrepreneur.  The interviewer (“Int”) asks “What happened to your old business of selling US passports at a high margin?”

The black marketeer respondent (“Blackie”) responds: “We had a great business going: we sold high-margin fake identity US passports to persons of high value.  These persons wanted to have bank accounts in another name in many places.  Typical customers were accounts for entities or persons bribing high-level officials in the governments, officials in governments, and for paying all of the expenses of greasing the wheels.  There were money launderers and drug dealers, and there were transfers of money between them and the other customers.  There were persons who were evading taxes in whatever country they lived.”

Int: “Things were going great, eh?  A small number of people with a lot of extra cash.  What happened?”

Blackie: “ Well, the criminals made their way into office, and joined forces with the politicians.  Turns out, they created their own enterprises.  They were able to pass laws to make their dealing legal—in places like Delaware, Nevada, and South Dakota.  Their costs dropped, and as locals they only needed land transport for their money.   Even the international crooks started finding it safer to avoid taxation and police oversight right their in the Homeland.”

Int: “Competition is cruel, eh?”

Blackie: “You bet.  We had been in the business of providing false identification, but this new business model allowed for proper anonymity within the new laws.   It was like trying to sell bootleg liquor to the state liquor monopolies!”

Int: “That must have been tough, what did you do?”

Blackie “What does anyone do? I went into a depression.   You know, even us tough guys have it tough sometimes.  What does a dirty guy do when the dirty guys aren’t doing business with you anymore?  I moped around in some pretty dark corners for awhile—a mourning period, as my psychotherapist called it.   She sort of let me lie around in my own pity for quite awhile til I had built up a bank of sorrow in myself.   Then, during one week, somehow I transformed that bank of sorrow into an energy battery.   I started to brainstorm about how to use these former customers as formidable competitors.”

Int: “How do you mean?”

Blackie “You see, it turns out, these guys who used to be my friends and collaborators were now seeing me as a competitor, and they had begun to try to crush me no matter what kind of collateral damage it might cause to innocent people.  So’s I thought: ok, they wanna compete, eh?    How’s about I start sellin’ product to innocent folks—instead of the criminal drug dealers, and politicians, and lobbyists, and corpos?  I’ve got skills, you know?  Why can’t I put ‘em to use sellin’ to the good folks?”

Int: “Boy, that’s a tough life you chose—moving from a high margin business like that over to the low margin of the common folks”

Blackie: “Volume times margin equals profit.  Economy 101.  Low margin, high volume, gets the same thing.  And I get to work for the good guys! Imagine that, Blackie Black, workin’ for the good guys!”

Int: “ok, fill us in, what’s the new business concept—what’s the background?”

Blackie “It’s a long story I researched.  Turns out, these guys have a plan to destroy all the world’s black markets, so as to have a monopoly of their own in Nevada, Delaware, and South Dakota.  They launch this thing called ‘FATCA’.  Get it? Its an Orwellian thing, you know, ‘FATCAT’.   Gets the sheeple on their side worldwide.  They say they’re gonna get all the black markets in the world, by chasing “tax evaders”.

Int: “What’s so bad about that”

Blackie “Nothing, as the sheeple see it.  But it turns out, that all the ‘tax evaders’ they are looking for are all the ‘US persons’ who might be citizens of other countries, who don’t know they are supposed to be making tax payments to USA-the greatest tax haven in the world.   These are the people that they have labeled as “tax evaders”

Int: “go on”

Blackie “ Well, now that they have been labeled ‘tax evaders’, its time for them to be punished and pay penalties.

Int: “penalties to whom?”

Blackie “ You are indeed a smart one, aren’t you?  The penalties go back to the same organization made up of the drug dealers, extortionists, lobbyists, and politicians that I used to work for–the guys that are now in office.”

Int: “I follow, what next?”

Blackie “Well, you and I, and any other normal people know that these people who are supposed to pay these penalties are innocent.  But the media and the politicians and all the sheeple have labeled them guilty.  It looks like you are beginning to feel sorry for them—I think you are a softie”

Int: “Yeah, I’m not like those politicians, I’m a human. Of course.  What do you think?”

Blackie “Heck, I got rid of all that sentiment shit in the psychotherapist office.   I’m back again as an opportunitst”

Int: “?”

Blackie: “We are talking about 10’s of millions of innocent people here: immigrants, emigrants, expats—you think of this as a pity, I think of it as a business opportunity”

Int: “so?”

Blackie “Duh, what’s the problem? Being a US person.  What’s the solution? Not being a US person.  How do I make money off that solution?

Int: “I think I’m seeing where you are going”

Blackie “You bet!  The solution is not being a US person.  And I’m the man with solution.   I can make you look like you are not a US person”

Int “Before, you were selling a solution to be a US person (albeit a different US person) and selling passports.  And now you are selling ‘not being a US person’?”

Blackie: “Darn, you are smart.  I used to sell US passport documents, a fake document of a certificate of US nationality.    Now, I sell fake Certificates of Loss of (US) Nationality (CLN).

Int: “What’s it used for?”

Blackie “The user can prove to anyone he is not a US person. “

Int: “Why?”

Blackie “Well, it turns out, my old criminal friends are out to destroy competition in the market of dirty money.  They want to keep that business to themselves.  They don’t care about collateral damage”

Int “ meaning?”

Blacki “They have destroyed any mechanism and any person who could have been anywhere near to the old business with which they were involved in.  They were themselves hiding from taxes, and laundering dirty money, and bribing officials, and lobbying each other.  They knew how it worked.  And they wanted to profit from that business themselves–by getting themselves and their accomplices elected”

Int “how?”

Blackie “With this FATCA law, they destroyed the banks that used to hold their dirty money.  They destroyed the US persons in those banks, whether they were involved in their dirty work or not.  They are, in fact, now specifically out looking for US persons to destroy them”

Int “What’s the solution, what do you offer?”

Blackie “I offer them the possibility of not being labeled as a US person.  I give them a Certificate of Loss of (US) Nationality, a CLN.   For a low cost.  It looks like a real one.”

Int “Is it useful?  Is it sellable”?

Blackie “Well, it is the ticket to getting a bank account outside of USA.  It prevents a person from filling out a book of US forms each year.  It allows a person to open a business anywhere in the world.  It allows a person to be an executive in an international organization.  Best of all, it means that the person is no longer chased by the biggest, most obtrusive government in the world.”

Int: “You are now forging Certificates of Loss of (US) Nationality, instead of US passports”

Blackie “That’s right.  I use the same network, with some variations, to acquire it—mostly insiders because they are usually the most corrupt of all”

Int: “The readers are gonna wanna know why someone would prefer your CLN’s over the real ones.”

Blackie: “That’s the same as “How do I love thee”

Int: “que?”

Blackie: “let me count the ways. First off, a real CLN costs 2350 bucks-imagine that, having to pay to not be a US person? Next, well, ya gotta look through all the other hoops and rollovers these people would have to go through to get such a thing. It’s so ridiculous you don’t even have enough white space available to explain it all.”

Int “I’m losing count”

Blackie: “I’ve got a whole market of millions of US citizens who haven’t been near the US or a US embassy in decades. With these ludicrous renunciation laws and ExPatriot acts and these guys like Sen Schumer & Reid & Nelson, & Lenin, these people are scared to death of being in sight of an embassy. But they trust me–good ‘ol Blackie.  And, there’s people that never even know they were US citizens.”

Int: “what? Not knowing they aren’t citizens”

Blackie ” yeah, there’s a whole bunch of ’em. One of ’em is the Mayor of London, another’s the King of Thailand.”

Int “My God”

Blackie “I’ll check into that, it’s not impossible. You wouldn’t believe how the US government thinks”

Int “Something flew over my head”

Blackie “Must have been a drone”

Int “what else”

Blackie: “Well, these laws, if they suspect you of being a US person, you have to provide proof that you are not. How the heck does somebody prove they are not something that they aren’t? Visualize some poor schmuck Belgian who has absolutely nothing to do with USA–his bank demands him to show proof that he’s not American. What kind of idiots would write and implement a law like that? ”

Int: “that IS terrible”

Blackie: “there you go again, all that sentimental shit. Do you know what the market potential is for people who aren’t US persons who will have to prove that they are not US citizens? These legislators are going to make me richer than, uh, richer than…”

Int: “the politicians?”

Blackie: “don’t even say that, I don’t want them coming back into my business again”

Int: “Back to business: “Low-margin, high volume”, what do you mean?”

Blackie “These people wanting these certificates, they are just normal people wanting mortgages and banking accounts.  They don’t want welfare, they just want to be left alone.  The US lamestream media says they are all rich, but they are just normal schmucks that landed in Hamburg instead of Pittsburgh.”

Int: “ok, concur, low margin”

Blackie: “High volume.  There are more than9 million US citizens overseas.  There are more than 10 million immigrants coming every 10 years that are in the same boat.    My market is endless”

Int “It is starting to come together.  In the old days, people wanted to buy US passports to show they were US citizens.  It had a huge value.  Today, people want to buy a document (CLN) that shows that they are NOT US citizens..

Blackie: “You are good.  Have you brought along your resumé, too?”

Int: “You’re a funny guy. Tell me, why should anyone trust you?”

Blackie: “Look at the competition—knowing that the people selling you a real one would try to banish you from USA forever, would you trust them more than me?”

Int: “Competition-wise, how is YOUR product against a real one?”

Blackie: “Well, for one, delivery time for the competitors is excruciating. You could wait months, you could wait years. I can put one in your hands immediately—pay with your left hand, receive product with right hand.”

Int: “That’s good service.”

Blackie: “You betcha. Blackie delivers. WIth the competition–the US government, you pay in advance—just to apply, and there is no assurance that you will get one at all”

Int: “what else?”

Blackie: “Well, some of my customers just had US visas–a Green Card. My competition is well known for never, ever, delivering greencard cancellation notices. The competitor product number is US Treasury form I-407 or something like that”

Int: “Somebody probably knows the name of that paper, but no worries”

Blackie: “Imagine, my customer is being chased by my competitor’s associates simply because he has no proof of not having gotten rid of his green card. And he can’t get it from my competitor. What do they call that–collusion? They probably don’t give it to him because they can make more money off the fines and penalties for not having it. I can sell product to that guy and at least he can get his bank account or mortgage while he is waiting for hell to freeze over.”

Blackie: “Heck, some of my best customers are the ones that are simply waiting for the real CLN they’ve already ordered from my competitor. Do you understand how important it is to have a bank account? A mortgage? A business? A job? These people can’t sit around and wait months just to become a non-US citizen.”

Int: “Wow. You put it in perspective pretty well. It’s all coming together now.  Tell me, is this all for real?”

Blackie: “Yes, everything is, except, of course, for the benefit of the NSA, who has no humor and is as smart as a rock, we ought to tell them that me, Blackie, and what I do, is a satire. Let that roll around in your head a few times, and let your mind consider from a few angles: ‘Blackie doesn’t really exist.’ ”

Int: “Wow. And darn.  Why ruin a good story?”

Blackie “Is it really ruined?” “What is that thing you learned long ago, when you were a kid, but what really isn’t true?  It’s an old, archaic saying”

Int: “ahhhh, ‘If you tell a lie they’ll cut your tongue off’?”

Blackie: “Close, but not quite.  Remember, after you said your Pledge of Allegiance to the Cloth?  Remember the discussions you had afterwards and the old saying they had?”

Int “Freedom of Speech?”

Blackie “Yeah. That’s the one.  It’s total bullshit”

Int “Gotcha. Out of desperation, I’ve had to try to break into this writer thing. I always thought they might have understood things earlier than I, as they’ve always tried to fight for “ALL RIGHTS RESERVED!”

ALL RESPECT DESERVED.